Sunday, January 5, 2014

Great Expectations

Welcome to 2014, no doubt many of you have made new year's resolutions, and no doubt some of you have failed to keep them already, but don't despair, this is to be expected, it is simply called life and you mustn't consider yourself a failure.
By the age of 24 I certainly thought I would have my life a little more in order, but that's the thing about life, it doesn't always go to plan.
At 18 I dreamt of working for a fashion magazine and lived religiously through the glamorous pages of Vogue and Harpers, pouring over the beautiful images and thought provoking articles, pining over the designer bags in the advertisements and dreaming of putting myself in some office girls Louboutin shoes, Devil Wears Prada style. I genuinely thought I'd end up working at one of these fine establishments within the next few years, certainly by the time I was 24, that was for sure!
Yet here I am, at 24 years of age, coming to you from my bed, in my share house, not an editors email in sight, just me and my humble blog.
As yet another thing broke on my little humble buzz bot (my car) this afternoon, I thought how curious it was that I had such big dreams when I was 18, I thought by the age of 24 I would have a BMW, I also imagined I would be living in some swanky apartment with my fiancé and an adorable puppy, planning the wedding of all weddings and a honeymoon to Bora Bora.
Yet here I am, at 24 years of age, sitting alone this evening, with my darling cat Duchess, no ring upon my finger, no man in my life and no swanky apartment (to be fair I did have the swanky apartment last year, but after splitting with le ex it didn't seem appropriate to stay living there).
What's possibly even more curious about the fact that I have seemingly failed by 18 year old self is, that I'm actually 100% ok with it!
Sometimes I feel like I was more driven when I was younger and I had more passion, and now I've lost it somewhere along the way, but the truth of it all was that I was just more naïve. I'm now out in the real world, paying my way and contributing to society as a fully grown adult, and honestly, it's so much harder than I ever thought it would be!
I had no idea how hard it would be to run my businesses, while living out of home, while maintaining friendships, while looking for love, while keeping a casual job, while looking after myself and an animal, while attempting to keep my sanity!
Sometimes I think, "I'm just lazy, that's why I haven't succeeded" but really that's not the case at all, no one tells you when you're young that time just slips past you, a week can feel like nothing at all and you have to make every single day count!
The hardest part of all is the Internets contribution to you feeling like you've done nothing and you are nothing. With every one's "highlight reel" aka Facebook/Twitter/Instagram accounts telling you how wonderful everyone else's life is, sometimes it can feel like you're just standing still being a boring little speck while everyone else is whizzing past you in a blaze of amazingness. At 24, I expected to be a blaze of amazingness, and I suppose some days I am, but some days I'm really not.
This year I've had to make a huge decision to put Evelyn Curtis on the back burner while I look for a more stable form of income, and that alone is a terrifying concept. I know I'm not afraid of hard work, and yet this new journey is a daunting one, and not at all something I thought I'd have to do.
Growing up is not the easiest thing to do, but I can't help but feel grateful that I've at least had the opportunity to try. Sure I have a shit car, I've never travelled outside of Australia (because I've never been able to afford to) I live in a share house with two guys I have nothing in common with, but that's ok. My life isn't what I expected it to be but every day I'm learning, every day I'm making mistakes, and every day I'm growing as a person, and that's what life is actually about. Where you've been or what car you drive or who you're married to doesn't make you who you are, think about it. If that was the case and I died tomorrow would they put
"Never travelled, Hyundai driver, Pandora sales girl, Spinster" on my tomb stone?
I'd want to hope not! ;)
Expectations are simply another word for goals and as long as you work away at what you want out of life every day then you're doing ok, it doesn't matter if it takes you a little longer to find your wings as long as you still have the desire to fly, you'll get there in your own time.
You may expect greatness from yourself, but don't forget to be grateful for having the opportunity to try!
This photo is so old it was taken from my Myspace account..I wonder what happened to that?